Wisdom Heart

The suffering we experience in life is brought about by our inability to face the reality of a given situation.
We hope for the best for our children. We want them to be healthy and we want them to be happy. We want them to realize all our dreams and expectations. By clinging to those very reasonable hopes and expectations, we are unable to cope with the obstacles set in the way of attaining, what seems to be, a very normal life. But, what we fail to account for is change. Nothing is permanent.
No child is healthy and happy all of the time. No one escapes the suffering of sickness and no one is immortal. These things are part of living. We accept them in the proportions we expect them to come in. But are unprepared for the times when they fall outside our expectations.
I remember once a friend was telling me about how their daughter had to have immunizations earlier in the day. They were so upset to have had to see their child suffer from getting shots. In contrast to what we have experienced this doesn't seem like a big deal. But ultimately, suffering is suffering.
I believe it is our natural response, as human beings, to have compassion when we see suffering. This "natural" compassion can however become confused by emotions like fear, anger and jealousy. We replace naturally arising compassion with concepts like justice and fairness, and begin to question why and what have I done to deserve this. The reason I say these concepts confuse our natural compassion is they presume that some suffering is warranted and other suffering is not. Again, I say suffering is suffering.
I look to Sophia to remind me of this. She isn't aware that her situation is difficult. She just lives it while she can.
We should try to do the same. In any given moment, Sophia may smile, cry, sleep, eat, breathe, poop, whatever. These are all part of her existence. I also experience many experiences, thoughts and feelings. If I can accept the impermanence of these experiences, thoughts and feelings and let them pass like clouds in the sky, I become more aware of the moment, the reality of the experience. I am not mired in the "could-haves" and "should-haves" of what might have been. I can accept that they are not real. I can experience the "isness" of what is.
The moment we are experiencing is all there is. I may classify it as a good moment, a bad moment, or something that I have no strong feelings about. But ultimately it is just a moment. The judgment we make on it is ours. We may long for a moment passed or worry about one approaching. But, our worry and desire for it to be otherwise just causes confusion and is of no help with ours or our child's suffering.
This leaves acting openly and with compassion in the moment the only useful choice in not only this but any given situation.
In short, to quote George Harrison, "all things must pass". We have to let go of fear and anger to make room for joy. The joy will pass also, but it will be back.
These kids are such a blessing. If you are open to it, you will learn lessons about love and compassion you might have otherwise missed.
Before Sophia was born I had the aspiration she would be strong and wise, and would influence people to be compassionate and love one another.
Her name, Sophia Alexandra, means wisdom protector. She has exceeded all my aspirations for her. As a consequence her heart defect seems less significant.

# posted by Michael @ 11:20 PM